She takes a deep breath, and in her most authoritative tone continues, “I’m just saying…”
I can’t stand it. I don’t want to hear what she’s saying. “Let’s change the subject. This is awkward enough without you trying to play yenta. Forget it, it’s impossible. We just have to tolerate each other long enough to get through this mission successfully without getting one of us killed, or killing each other whichever the case may be. Period. I cannot listen to this when I’m about to go face him and his parents, Ali.”
“Right! We have a lot of ground to cover before 1930. That’s when Jas said that Edward was picking you up. Hop into my chair.”
I smile deviously at her, “Said the spider to the fly…nothing outlandish, or over the top, Edna. I’m warning you!”
“I’m shaking in my boots, Lizzie Borden. Trust me. I have the perfect look in mind. You’ll kill.”
I smirk in reply, “It’s not that sort of job, Edna. At least, it’s not that sort of job, yet.”
With that, she shakes her head in disbelief and attacks me with hair product and a blow dryer, followed quickly by a palette of face paint that’s vaguely reminiscent of the war paint that I’ve seen at some of the Native American festivals I’ve attended with Jake and his family. Damn, that seems like another lifetime now. I can’t help but shudder slightly and sigh at the memory. Alice mistakes this for nerves.
"Deep breaths, Belly. And try to lower your heart rate. You’re going to sweat off your new face."
I roll my eyes still feeling apprehensive, and somehow like I was betraying Jake by going through with this.
Alice clearly senses my distress, and spins me around and hands me an armful of clothes. “Drop ‘em and put these on, girly.”
I roll my eyes, and do as I’m told slipping out of my yoga pants, hoodie and t-shirt, sliding on black opaque tights followed by a black and white houndstooth pencil skirt that hits just above the knee. Then, clearly knowing my penchant for cashmere, Alice hands me an updated yet still classic cashmere twin set in black. I slide the sweaters on, and Alice is standing before me with a set of pearls.
“Oh come on, Edna. I’m meeting his parents, not attending a Junior League meeting!”
Alice huffs in response, “Fine. I knew that the pearls were a long shot but I had to give it a try.” She exchanges the pearls for funky silver earrings and a long silver chain with a vintage looking pendant. “Better?”
“Much. How am I ever going to pull this clusterfuck off, Ali. I’m a horrible actress, and an even worse liar.”
Alice gives me a reassuring smile and hug, “Ironic given the line of work you’re in, isn’t it? You worry too much Belly. You’re going to go prematurely gray. Turn around, and look in the mirror.”
I turn and walk toward Alice’s full length mirror, and I have to admit that ol’ Edna has outdone herself once again. I look every bit the picture of the type of girl any nice fellow would want to bring home to meet dear old mom. What a fucking farce this is.
“Wow, Edna. You’ve outdone yourself. Even I’d approve of me in this getup. Ummm…but what about shoes?”
Alice smiles brightly, “Ahhh… the pièce de résistance! She turns to one of the wardrobes along the wall, and pulls out a pair of tall black leather boots, and my jaw drops, “Now, I defy you to find these at a Junior League meeting, missy. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a little sass! We can’t have Edward’s parents thinking he’s brought home a Stepford bride, now can we? Besides, these little beauties marry form with function. Not that you’ll need it tonight, and not that you can tell by looking at their exquisiteness, but these are steel toes. They look amazing, and can serve you well if you find yourself in the need to go ‘mano-a-mano’. I’ve been saving them for you for a special occasion. Not only that, they’re hot as hell. You can thank me now.”
I smile back, loving the boots, thankful that she didn’t have me in some ridiculous kitten heel, “Damn skippy! Have I told you lately how much I love you, Edna? Let’s just hope there’s no need for the mano-a-mano tonight. That’s all I need is to go toe-to-toe with the golden boy’s mother.”
Looking at me sideways, she clearly is trying to bait me, “Yes, this is true, but on the other hand, it might be fun to engage Edward in a little hand-to-hand.”
“Zip it, Edna. It ain’t happening.”
To which, Alice quips, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much!”
Just as I’m rolling my eyes and smoothing my skirt, the bell rings, and Alice looks at her watch, “That, my dear, will be the boys! Put on your game face, Belly girl.”
